Monday, October 01, 2007

What is happening to me???

I really don't know what happened to me.. I feel so depressed and sick.. Is only been 4th week and I have been feeling depressed and moody.. I don't know what is going on with me.. Am I sick till I feel my body is tired or have I been going through all the suffering of the chinese medical treatment and also getting sick at the same time.. I really don't know.. Or I just feel like things are going against me.. Or am I just feeling lonely staying alone here.. Sometimes when things don't go well, I really hope someone is there for me.. I hope my parents are in KL with me.. I hope I can stay calm and be independent.. But, I don't know why am I feeling so depressed and lonely.. I know I know.. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but I really can't help it.. My body is weak, I don't have appetite to eat, my throat is so painful, I have bad headache and I CANT SLEEP!!! Besides all this, I need to act ok in uni, I need to attend classes even though am sick, and every week, there are so many discussion and work to do.. I don't know why, but I hardly get depression, and if i do, I usually able to go through it.. because I have close friends around me.. But I feel this time is worst then what happen last time.. I don't know why and what happened to me.. I just can't wait for the time I graduate.. am mentally and psychically tired... my body is not the same like last time.. The doctor telling me I need plenty of rest, but yet, either I cant sleep or I have work to do.. Every week, tutorial presentation with groups are already making me busy.. Although usually I wont complaint about it and I usually able to cope, but I don't know why am complaining now.. On conclusion, I know am just depressed..

I HAVE TO BRING MYSELF UP!!!! But sometimes, I just want to have a peace of mind, without ppl finding fault or finding ways to hurt you... I guess am feeling this way cos things haven't been going well for me since I got sick.. But no matter how I feel now, I hope I will be ok soon.. It might takes few days or a week plus.. But I can't let it go longer than that.. I mentally must be strong, is only 1 year more.. and time passes very fast, so I can do it.. and I will do it, no matter what it takes.. but my health will come first before anything elsee..

To those who is reading this, pls keep this confidential. I don't want anyone of my aunties, uncles, parents to know how am feeling now..

I wasn't suppose to post about it, but I just want to try whether if I type how I feel here, I might feel better... Anyways, this blog is for me to type all my emotions, my ups and downs in life and so on..

That's it for now.. Thank you to those who have been with me since I feel depressed and lonely..

Love you all...

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